


Martin Fears

by AbsolutelyMango



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Body Horror, Moths, Other, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-26
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:40:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22910365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AbsolutelyMango/pseuds/AbsolutelyMango
Summary: some one-shots of Martin being avatars for different fears and generally how he got to that point
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan Sims
Comments: 1
Kudos: 31





	1. Spiral

**Author's Note:**

> This is a conversation between Jon and Martin, starting with Jon

"Statement of the thing using the name of Martin Blackwood. Taken directly from subject, February 25th. Statement begins."

"That was rather rude Jon. I'm not using that name, you all gave me that name. I have no need for a name like that, but you all insist on using a name for me. Why? Is it because Michael asked you to use it or did the others mention me offhandedly with that name and you put the clues together? I certainly didn't tell you to call me that."

 _sigh_ "Martin, please focus on the task."

"What task Archivist? Tell you the story of how I got to be me? Tell you the story of how I was betrayed by the one I trusted? My pseudo mother tricking me into throwing my life away for a cause that didn't even matter? _Is that what you want to hear?!_ "

"Please calm down. I just wanted to know your story.... Would you like some tea?"

" _I don't need tea!_ "

"..... but would you like some?"

"......................... please."

_sounds of sighing and Jon walking out of his office, followed by the sound of running water_

"Feeling any better?"

"No..... a little. I think this is the first time you've made tea."

"I've most certainly made tea before this."

 _giggles_ "I meant making tea for me."

"Oh... Yeah, I guess it is. Usually others are making you tea. Though I suppose that it being almost midnight would deter people from being here this late."

"Yes. Why do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Stay here so late. Surely you have a life outside the institute?"

"No, not really."

"Hm.."

"What?"

"It's one of the similarities you shared with her.. If I still cared, I'd suggest you make friends, but we both know you're too stubborn to listen to me. Especially with my 'association to the Spiral'."

"...... I'm sorry."

"What?"

"I'm sorry for....... for treating you like a monster. You're not that bad."

"Hm.... but what if I am a monster?"

"What?"

"What if I am a monster?"

"Martin...."

"What would you do?"

"I'm not sure... I guess I would attempt to stop you?"

"You're not certain?"

"Never with you..."

_silence and then the tinking of glass_

"Thank you...." sip

"Do you even consume liquids?"

"I'm not sure. It goes somewhere, but not in me. It's very hard to consume normal things when you're just... not. But... I think I might be ready."

"Hm?"

"To make a statement."

"Oh... Oh! One second. Statement of.."

"Martin shall work, at the very least no one's going to stop calling me by it, so might as well use it."

"Statement of Martin, taken straight from subject."

"You wanted to know how I got to the point of what I am before you, but if I just jumped into the juicy bits, there would be no reason for you to continue talking to me, would there? No, I don't think either of us would enjoy that. Too short and simple, not how either of us would like it. So instead I'll start further back, back when I was once a human, a normal human.

When I was in my teens, my mother grew ill, so I did what all kids in my situation did. I dropped out of school and got jobs to help support her. An unwise decision. Not many places wanted to hire an undergraduate with limited skills, so I made a decision that changed my life. I lied on my resumes, eventually those lies managed to get me a job here. Luckily for younger me, they didn't require evidence of my lied qualifications. If only they called me out on it, I almost wish I had been anywhere else with any other shitty job. Can't change that now.

It was nice here, rather peaceful, asides from the occasional missions to get evidence. She... She pretended to be a nice older lady who needed help and I was a 'good boy' who just wanted the approval of others. She preyed upon that, getting me to blindly trust her and then she used it against me. Turned me into who I am now. You want to know what she did? Of course you do Archivist, otherwise, you wouldn't have these ridiculous tapes.

She said she wanted to take me on a trip for the archives, do something important. I wasn't big on looking up facts or thinking too deeply with the stress on my shoulders of supporting my mum. Didn't think to reason why we were going to Russia or where in Russia it was... where it wasn't. See, she lied to me and knew I would blindly follow for a bonus and a small chance to avoid my responsibility and guilt. Doesn't matter. I took a long trip over the ocean with her, then a longer boat ride north. I don't know how long it was that we were in that fog, but I do know that she changed while on that boat, deciding to drop her mask and show the competent woman who was willing to throw me to the sharks for her own goals.

But instead of that, she gave me an axe and a map, then told me to go into a door that leads to nowhere. But the door had a hallway and that hallway was always shifting, moving in ways that hurt if I focused on them. So I stopped focusing, just smashing mirrors and following the map I was given..... I made it to the center. Martin wasn't meant to be the Distortion. Gertrude knew this and sent him because of that....." _hiccup_

"Martin..."

"I'm fine Jon! I just.... need a second."

"Of course..."

_soft sobbing and sipping tea_

"I think that's the first time you've referred to her by name."

"She doesn't deserve to be remembered."

"I see...."

"Why did you come back?"

"Hm?"

"Well, I assume that after becoming... part of the Spiral, you came back here. Why?"

".... I didn't know where else to go, I was so fresh and new and scared. I went to the only place that felt safe, the archives... It's not a safe place, but my mind was convinced it was. I missed my coworkers. I refused to see her. She ruined my life and I was very angry. Never angry enough to confront her or perhaps she had something that prevented me from going to her. I'm not sure, nor do I care. I didn't want to see her. Plus, I technically haven't finished working here. So back here I came."

"Didn't you have anywhere else to go? People who mattered?"

 _laughter_ "Of course not. The one person I knew outside of work wouldn't care if I had gone missing, hell, she'd probably be happy if I was never seen again! But I wouldn't let her forget me that easily. No, no, no... She got to have a fun trip down endless hallways. She never got close to finding the center and made a wonderful meal for my new form."

"Who... who was she?"

"You already know who."

"Oh god... You ate your mother?"

"I did. I also learned why she hated me so much when I did. When I was little, my father left us, so I became a reminder of a failed marriage, strike number one. Growing up, getting on T, and having my face change, it was purely coincidence and genetics that I started looking like my father, but it still caused strike two. The final strike? Taking care of her. Shocking right? Her child decides to push everything aside for her, yet she find him to be the worst thing in her life. Ungrateful bitch, but she got what she expected. I was the death of her and she was the death I never regretted."

"I see.... What about the others?"

"Hm?"

"The other people you killed. Do you regret their deaths?"

"Most of them. I spend a rather large time debating with my guilt over eating people I don't know, but I do have to feed occasionally, Archivist."

"Have you killed anyone from the institute?"

 _chuckles_ "No. I... let's just say that I can't. I'd feel even more guilty if I did, but there is a power here preventing me from attempting anyways. I've... enjoyed everyone's company, well, that's an exaggeration. I've come to appreciate almost everyone down here. They're... They're my family and I don't want them to be gone, but I know one day they will. Everyone dies, someday I will die, but the Distortion will have someone else in my place."

"I see... I.. do you have anything else you'd like to add?"

"No, not really. But you should clean the cups and kettle before you go to bed. Michael gets a bit upset when people leave dirty dishes in the break room."

"Ah yes, we should clean this up... Can I ask you another question?"

"Might as well."

"Why is your door.. like that?"

"Disappearing and reappearing?"

"No, I meant... in past statements, many people described it as being yellow or indescribable, but yours is..."

"A sad looking blue door?"

"Well... yes."

"Short answer, I don't know. It might be partly due to the disturbance of the ritual or just purely Martin, but I don't care to find out. Just... please don't pick the peelings. It's a tricky mess to clean up."

"Alright. I... thank you."

"For what?"

"Trusting me... trusting me enough to give me your statement."

 _giggling_ "Trust isn't why I gave you my statement."

"Then what was?"

"If I told you, you'd call me a liar and deceiver, trying to make a joke."

"I.. I promise I won't try to immediately call you those."

"Hmm... I like you, Jon."

"What?"

"Goodnight Jon!"

"Wait, what do you-" _closing door_ "mean.... Statement ends."


	2. Corruption

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Moths eating/living in skin is mentioned at least twice.

"Do we really have to do this Jon? I mean, it's not even that much of a problem."

"Martin, there are moths eating holes in your skin!"

"It's not that bad Jon, really, I'm fine."

"Can you please, just... give a statement?"

"Fine, if it'll make you stop worrying."

"Thank you. Statement of Martin Blackwood, regarding the moths he refuses to get rid of, taken directly from subject, March 1st."

"You make them sound like they're a problem. They're not really that much of a problem as you think they are."

"They are a problem, you just refuse to see it! Just... start from the beginning, where it all began, please."

"Well, it was about... Seven weeks ago when I noticed that there was a family of moths eating one of my smaller sweaters in the back that I haven't worn in almost a year. I didn't have the heart to get rid of them at the time and the sweater held some sentimental value, but I don't remember what it was. So I just left them and didn't think about it for a while. Then about a month ago, I started to hear them in my head. I wasn't sure if I was imagining them or if they were actually talking to me. It was a nice change, I had so many negative thoughts in my head, it was nice to hear genuinely happy and loving thoughts in my head. They actually started making me happy to come home, to come home to people who like me, who want to see me. I felt so happy. Sure, there were holes in my clothes, but clothes are a small price for love.

Did you know moths don't typically have homes? I think that's quite sad, so about a week ago, I became their home."

"You decided that your body would be their home?"

"Yes, why do you act like it's a weird thing to do?"

"Well, most people don't usually let bugs into their clothes, let alone their skin."

"They should, life's much happier with them in your life."

"........." _loud sigh then the sound of tapping glass_ "Martin... please stop."

"Sorry! It's just... really shiny."

"I know.. Are you sure you're fine?"

"Yes, Jon, I swear I'm fine."

"Ok... ok.... would you like something to eat?"

"Not really. I feel fine."

"Can I make you some tea?"

"Tea sounds nice."

"Lovely.. Statement ends."


	3. Flesh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As an American with horrible healthcare system, I don't know how England's healthcare works at all. I also only have a little above passing knowledge of being taught as a CNA.

"Um... Was I supposed to touch that? I'm not sure..." _door opens_ "Oh, hello. Are you Jonathan Sims?"

"Yes.. Are you Martin Bloodwood?"

_sigh_ "It's Blackwood, not Bloodwood. Honestly, I don't even know how people got that into their head."

".... ah. Well then." _footsteps_ "Shall we begin?"

"I think so."

"Good. Let's... did you turn this on?"

"I.. yes. I touched it while I was waiting. Sorry."

_sigh_ "It's fine.. Statement of Martin Blo- Martin Blackwood, regarding how he became an avatar of the Flesh, taken March 2nd. Statement begins."

"Where should I start?"

"Start at the beginning. Where did it all lead to... this."

"Well, I think it all started when my mom got sick. It was just a few years ago and I was having difficulties paying, so I started looking more in depth into organ surgeries, then organs in general, all the ins and outs of getting a donation, and the odds of the body accepting the donation, it all got very overwhelming. It was hard to concentrate. I started, well... illegally looking up who were on the donations list. I know, I know, I shouldn't have, but I was so worried and I wanted to get a better idea of who was the best chance for her!.... There was one who lived close by and seemed about her age. So I... I went to see him. He was in a nicer part of town, watering his yard and looking like his life was fine. It wasn't fair. Why did he get to live a nice life while my mother was dying? It's not fair! I couldn't make myself walk away, I started walking up to him and talking about something normal. I think I got him to start talking about himself and his life. It only made my anger rise higher and something in my head started telling me to take his organs. It wasn't fair that he got to be cozy in his perfect home and have all those wonderfully working organs. I could tell where they were and how healthy they were, which I didn't question at the time. I just assumed it was my rage fueled by the hours of anatomy photos. Then I heard the voices get louder. Telling me in clearer voices of what to do. 'Shove your hand in his gut and take what you need. He doesn't need it. Take it. She needs it more.'" 

"... What happened next?" 

"I.. I did as the voice said. I shoved my hand into his abdomen, going through clothes and muscles like they didn't exist. It was easy, finding the one I needed and pulling it out. His clothes weren't disturbed and there was no blood, he didn't fight back, just staring blankly at me with surprise. I panicked at that point, holding it close to my chest and running away. I don't know when it happened, but the organ sank into my chest and I got to the hospital empty handed. So, I went to her room, trying to convince myself that I didn't just steal a stranger's organ and that I was just really tired and out of it. But I could feel it. I could feel the organ beating in my chest, an uneven rhythm to my own pulse. I think she could see the guilt on my face, her expression was more sour than usual. The voice came back while I stood by her. 'Take it out, put it in her. Take it out of her, it's killing her. Make it quick, make it simple. Pull it out, put it in.' I... I should have waited til she was asleep, but... I couldn't wait, afraid that if I waited any longer, she might die before I could do anything so... I pulled the organ out of me, ignoring her screams, and put it in her. She feared me. I hate that she feared me, but.. I.. I enjoyed her fear. It was a nice change from her general distaste of me. I took her organ with me as I ran from the room. She didn't need it, not any more.... I heard that she got better but... I haven't seen her in over five years." _Sniffs_ "Sorry, sorry, I appear to not be over it yet."

"It's fine, here."

"Thank you... Heh.. Is it sad that this is the kindest thing someone's done for me in a long while?"

"It's... a bit disappointing, but not unreasonable to hear of."

"Can I take a break? My head's starting to hurt."

"Alright. Statement ends."


End file.
